Please! LISTEN TO THE SONG FIRST!
Heard this song today and I was so inspired to run to my computer and write a piece on it. I, in no way shape or form, had a father that loved my mother. In fact, I had parents that spoke terribly of each other at every opportunity they had. I never saw them have a friendship or conduct themselves in a civil way when speaking to (or about) each other. I know for a fact, I am not alone and the adults that chose this path are drastically minimizing the chances that the children witnessing this behavior will grow to know what love is. (Please take note if you’re going through a hostile breakup and that hits hard!)
I believe that most women will cry when they hear this song. Some may cry because they are single. Maybe they had beautiful parents that exemplified a healthy relationship and they just haven’t seemed to replicate that just yet. (Have faith my friend. Continue to love yourself. You are enough and it will happen when you’re ready!) Some may cry because they didn’t. They aren’t sure what love looks like but they know they yearn for it. I think it’s fair to assume that 15 years ago, I would cry for the latter. It has taken me several years of work to break the cycle of “crappy love” I have witnessed in my family. I LOVE my family.. Do not get me wrong. They have been the family that they know how to be. My parents too.
So, why am I crying? It was so many difficult decisions I had to make, and how much my actions hurt others, to get me to where I am. I had hope that I would find a life that related to this song somehow. I can’t change that I wasn’t given the tools to get to where I am now in the early years of my life. But I had the power in my adult life to work for it the more I became aware of my own self shortcomings. Working for it was getting married young but growing to SEE that I wasn’t in a relationship that was teaching my children love and then choosing to break the marriage. Break this old cycle of “staying for the kids.” What would I be giving my kids to stay? I had to make that choice to leave. As much as it hurt everyone around me, I had to protect my children and provide them with a mother who was capable of providing real life scenarios that would nourish their own self love. It also opened the door for someone who was going to also be kind to their father. Each adult deserves to be heard and treated kindly in any relationship. Not only was I not happy but I was in the way of his true happiness too. It was fear that kept us close. We were both drowning in it.
My tears are also rooted in the many years and experiences I had to go through to bring me to the person I am today. The choice of taking the hard road to find this kind of love I never knew. Now blogging here to say, it’s a fact that I have the kind of happiness that I would have wanted for my mother and any one else that matters to me. Shoot- ANYONE deserves this kind of love. My ex-husband deserves this kind of love. YOU DESERVE THIS KIND OF LOVE! My tears are for the fact that I have chosen, although it was a very difficult road, to break the cycle of shitty relationships in my family and finally have one that feels right. I cry because I want this for my family. I want this for my children. I cry because I hope that my girls (All 5 of them!) grow to be women that could sing a song like this and know that they are QUEENS that should be loved in the ways that make them feel heard and valued. I cry because I hope my son is watching me be treated like a QUEEN for the first time in my life and that he too, will be a man one day to treat his partner with honor and respect.
If you relate with me, can I please ask you to not give up on yourself? It is possible to work on this and have the love you deserve. No matter your past. No matter your present. It’s possible to be seen and heard and you deserve it.