If you didn’t know already, I had one. The moment I found out was one of the most paralyzing moments of my life. I am responsible. I am career driven. I am already a mother. I am.. I am.. I am… pregnant. I couldn’t think straight for two weeks. Called my dearest friends at the time and hoped they could just give me all the answers I needed in my life. Let me use this moment to say that no one has the answers for what you need in your life. Let me repeat: No one knows more than you about the feelings in your heart, the thoughts in your mind, and the dreams that will bridge the two together. Out of fear of running in to anyone I knew in my home city, I planned to travel to NYC to have an abortion. As the time was getting close to make the final decision, my body was in complete shock. No sleep. Not productive. Totally confused. I woke up one night in a complete night sweat and that is when I decided; this baby is mine. I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than love this baby. I was already a mother to two girls, ages 11&8 at the time. I knew the feeling of the day they were born. I knew the feeling of them growing in my belly. Most importantly, I know the feeling of their happiness in this life I have given them. Life is good in our family, they know it, and that feels good! Fast forward to September 29, 2015 and my son arrived. The little boy I’ve always wanted but never thought I would have. Today he is turning two. I cannot tell you how lucky I feel to have him in my life; one of my greatest teachers. I am everything I have ever judged about unplanned pregnancy and I am everything I have ever judged about children by different men. But I’m happy. He’s happy. And I wouldn’t change a thing in the world. In honor of his birthday, I’m sharing the post from when I announced his birth with you all. As you read this, I want you to think about the shame that women deal with in regards to un planned pregnancy. We are damned if we do, damned if we don’t. I invite you to think about that. I considered another route in fear of ‘what others would think’. And I’m certain, women out there chose to abort and keep it a deep dark secret in their lives because ‘what others would think’. I’m sending a hug to you all today. There’s no shame in making decisions in your life that put you first. One woman isn’t stronger than the other by choosing one route over another. We listen to our hearts, we listen to our minds, we listen to our bodies, and from there we make our choices. Happy birthday, my main man!
“We all have our plans in life. A before B. B before C, etc. Then there’s the reality. Opportunities that we don’t realize. Unexpected blessings get thrown in there and completely change everything. We’re not sure what to do; It’s out of the chronological order in our mindset. That’s when you realize the meaning of this life. And for every time I have a question about this process, for every time I question the odds, for every time I am awake longer than I am asleep, for every time I need a better understanding of the definition of ‘the good stuff’, I will look at these 10 perfect little toes, these 10 perfect little fingers, his two gorgeous eyes and perfect little smile and say to myself, “I get it!” And for this, my son, I will call you Mateo Gabriel; God’s gift with Courage, exactly what you are. Welcome sweet boy, welcome…
September 29, 2015 09:23
9.96lbs & 22 1/2″ long of pure perfection
Thank you everyone for all of the calls, messages, visits, gifts, and most importantly, the love. He is the cutest baby boy I have ever seen. We are so blessed “